


Say Goodnight

by anemptymargin



Series: A Sweeter Goodnight [3]
Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Angst, Big Bang Challenge, Character of Color, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-16
Updated: 2011-09-16
Packaged: 2017-10-23 19:28:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/254031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemptymargin/pseuds/anemptymargin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuart and Raj’s fledgling relationship is threatened by Raj’s crush on Bernadette.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [BigBangBigBang 2011](http://bigbangbigbang.livejournal.com/profile), this is a sequel to my previous Raj/Stuart fic [“A Sweeter Goodnight”](http://archiveofourown.org/works/152022) which details how they ended up together for those of you that are wondering what sort of crack I’m on.
> 
> All artwork is by [Kymeric1](http://kymericl.livejournal.com/) who is completely awesome - All of her art for this piece (some of which is not included here but is still AMAZING) can be found [HERE](http://kymericl.livejournal.com/21762.html) Please, go comment and give the there love too. Many, many thanks to [NotAlwaysWeak](http://notalwaysweak.livejournal.com/) for her mad beta skillz and thanks to all my innumerable supporters in getting through this. :)

 

 

“Hey, uh… thanks for helping me lock up.” Stuart smiled, finally turning his key in the lock after a somewhat long new comic day. Raj staying late to help him run the sweeper and restock had become an increasingly frequent segue into going back to his small apartment and more likely than not having sex – of course, he’d recently had to relocate due to a shortage of funds and didn’t exactly want to admit his own failure to anyone, let alone his kind of sort of dating partner. It was complicated.

 

“No problem.” Raj grinned, letting his hand rest comfortably on Stuart’s elbow as he led them towards the car. “I like doing it, it’s a chance to be around comics and actually see you alone…”

 

“Ah, yes – geek in his natural habitat.” Stuart chuckled softly. “Surrounded by comic books, plush novelties, and the persistent smell of corn chips.”

 

 

“I like that smell. It reminds me of lunch.”

 

“Mmm, yeah.” Stuart shook his head dismissively, opening the passenger door when they reached the sedan. “I… uh, I was thinking maybe tonight we can go to your place instead.”

 

“Really?” Raj’s hand clasped tighter on Stuart’s elbow, eagerly digging into the blue and green tartan shirt he wore. “You mean like going over to my apartment?”

 

“Yeah… it’s been like five months.” Stuart shrugged. “Maybe it’s time I took the next step.” It was a big deal, and he was fairly certain Raj knew it was a big deal for him to be willing to go out of his comfort zone and to somewhere unfamiliar. He wasn’t sure he wanted to admit it, but part of him still wasn’t sure he was ready to make the commitment of having sex somewhere other than his apartment where he knew where all of his stuff was and could easily remove someone if things went sour unexpectedly. But it was either that or the horrible choice between explaining to Raj that he’d temporarily moved into the backroom, or stop having sex until he had another place to stay. Of course, the choice was relatively simple.

 

“You really mean it, you’re ready for that?” His smile gave away his eagerness well before he bounced on his heels – practically sprinting around the rear of the car and into the driver’s seat. “You’re really ready to go to my place?”

 

“I said I was, didn’t I?” Stuart shrugged again, settling into the passenger seat and buckling his seatbelt. “Maybe I could even spend the night?”

 

Raj fumbled his keys, dropping them on the floorboard. “You’re kidding!”

 

“No, I’m not…” Stuart smiled nervously, making brief eye contact. It was still tough for him to be forward with Raj, even when he sometimes made it clear that was the only way to get his attention, but he tried anyway. “We should stop by the drug store on the way over for some… stuff.”

 

“Condoms and lubrication.” Raj grinned wide, nodding quickly before retrieving his keys.

 

“Uh… not so much. Maybe a toothbrush?”

 

“Oh, yeah… wait, you mean like staying, staying? Overnight staying?” He fumbled the keys again, managing to actually shove them into the ignition before they could hit the floor again.

 

“That’s what ‘spend the night’ means, isn’t it?”

 

“I thought you meant like doing that thing we do when you say I can stay, but you know I’ve got work in the morning and then I leave anyway because I don’t want to wake you up early.”

 

Stuart nodded; Raj had caught on to that one kind of faster than he’d expected. “No, I mean it… we’ve been… uh… you know…”

 

“Having sex?”

 

“Yeah. Anyway, we’ve been together for a while now…”

 

“Twenty-one weeks and three days.” Raj grinned, starting the car.

 

“I just thought maybe we should start considering the possibility of expanding a bit.”

 

“You can expand all you like.” Raj let out a nervous sounding laugh, “My place is your place.”

 

***

 

Somehow, they made it to Raj’s apartment with minimal awkward conversation, mostly thanks to a Dollhouse fanmix Raj had thrown together on his iPod. By the time they made it up the elevator and into Raj’s apartment they’d already managed to strip off most of their outerwear, Stuart’s flannel and Raj’s windbreaker and sweater vest wrapping around a CVS bag as it was casually tossed on the floor just inside the door.

 

Raj stopped to do the locks and grinned, turning to find Stuart seeming much more comfortable as he surveyed the layout.

 

“You have a really nice apartment.” Stuart smiled, nodding with approval. “Why didn’t we come here sooner?”

 

“Your place is closer.” Raj shrugged, stepping in close to tug at the front of Stuart’s _Dr. Who_ t-shirt.

 

“Well, yeah… but…”

 

“I’ll show you the bedroom,” Raj cut him off, pulling the t-shirt up over Stuart’s head before managing the buttons on his own. “It’s a very nice bedroom.”

 

“I bet it is.” Stuart felt a blush rising in his cheeks and tried his hardest to push it back. “Going right for it tonight?”

 

“Early morning.” Raj smiled and shrugged off his shirt, letting it mindlessly hit the floor. “And I get to have wake up sex.”

 

“Maybe with yourself.” Stuart smiled, warming easily to the feeling of Raj’s arms looping around his waist despite the knot slowly building in his gut.

 

“Aww, what’s the fun of having someone over if you can’t have wake up sex?” Raj flashed an innocent grin, and then shook it off. “You know I’m kidding.”

 

 

Stuart nodded and let out a soft sigh. “I, uh… I need to use your restroom before…” He pulled away easily.

 

“Yeah… right over there.” He pointed towards the open door, and then picked up their clothes to lay them out properly.

 

Stuart hadn’t meant to be freaking out. It was getting easier, really, right up until things had to go and start changing. “You can do it. It’s just Raj… it’s not like this is anything new…” He sighed, running his hands under cool water and then over his face and into his hair. “You’re being stupid. Stop being stupid.” It wasn’t like he did it on purpose, he knew that much; he just couldn’t stop worrying about everything that could go wrong. He briefly considered taking his medication and finding some reason to stay in the bathroom an extra twenty minutes, but instead focused on his button-fly jeans – slowly popping open each one as though it were some pressure release valve. It worked; by the time he’d managed the bottom button and slid them to the cool linoleum floor he was as mentally prepared as he could be with a strange environment. “It’s just Raj,” he reminded himself. “He won’t judge you.”

 

Raj gently knocked on the bathroom door, opening it half an inch. “Are you all right, Stuart?”

 

Stuart smiled reflexively at his own name, always more exotic in Raj’s voice. “Yeah… yeah.” He nodded to himself and opened the door the rest of the way, his grin spreading as he surveyed the expanse of increasingly familiar naked brown flesh. “Yeah,” he echoed.

 

“Come on then!” Raj smirked, taking him by the hands and pulling him towards the bedroom. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

 

“Got started without me.” Stuart blushed slightly, watching the gentle rock of Raj’s hips as he walked backwards – bouncing his partially hard cock from thigh to thigh.

 

Raj laughed. “Just excited… close your eyes.”

 

“Raj…”

 

“It’s okay; I promise nothing bad will happen.”

 

“I’m not really…”

 

“Close them,” Raj demanded.

 

Reluctantly, Stuart did as he was told – peeking just the slightest bit through his lashes as he was led to the closed bedroom door. He saw the light shift from the well-lit living area to near dark when the door was closed behind them; a flickering glow giving away what he supposed was the surprise.

 

“I want your first night here to be special.” Raj drew him in close, pressing his bare chest against Stuart’s before holding him gently. “I know it’s hard…” He let the smallest giggle slip, but pressed on. “I mean, it’s not easy being somewhere new but my home is your home.” He pressed a soft kiss against the curve of Stuart’s ear, the gentle touch easing him even more than his pep-talk had. “It’s not much, but… well, open your eyes now.”

 

Stuart opened his eyes slowly, already fairly well adjusted to the dim light. He didn’t bother looking around; all he really cared to look at was right in front of him. “Lovely,” he murmured, watching Raj’s lips quirk into a smile as his eyes darted expectantly to the room around them.

 

“Not me, silly.” He grinned, stepping back to sit on the edge of his bed.

 

Several small votive candles served as the only source of light, the flickering glow showing his furniture tucked against the walls and the large bed swathed in dark green sheets. “It’s… nice,” he responded casually; nobody had really gone to the trouble before, but it seemed like the sort of thing that Raj really cared about. “Romantic.”

 

“Isn’t it?” Raj grinned even wider, leaning back on the pillows and fully exposing his nude body as he retrieved a small remote control. “It gets better!” He pressed a button and soft jazz filtered out of a small set of speakers connected to his iPod.

 

“Jazz?” Stuart licked his lips, sincerely hoping it wasn’t about to switch to the Lady Gaga he’d been threatened with in one of Raj’s previous attempts to make music part of the routine.

 

“My ‘Sweet Hot Sax’ playlist.”

 

Stuart couldn’t help but chuckle, the knot in his belly once more losing hold as he let himself stretch out on his back on the bedside nearest the door. “It’s nice.”

 

“I like it.” Raj pushed himself close against Stuart’s side, his palm resting easily on the slight rise of his belly – teasing at the worn waistband of his boxers. “I like you.”

 

“You don’t have to try and seduce me.” Stuart licked his lips, turning onto his side just enough to meet him for a gentle kiss, only a little unnerved by the unnatural refusal of the memory foam mattress to shift with him.

 

“I’m romancing you.” Raj dared to run his hand lower, letting his fingertips slip inside the opening at the front to find the warm skin beneath. “Don’t worry.”

 

“I always worry.” Stuart flashed a nervous smile, quite possibly not worried for the first time all day… which was actually a bit bothersome if he’d been able to consider it before his brain began to go a little hazy at the sensation of Raj’s nimble fingers stroking the underside of his cock.

 

Raj kissed him again, harder than before, and then wrapped his hand fully around the length – drawing it up hard. “Not worried now, are you?” he whispered, squeezing as he began to slowly stroke. “You don’t feel worried.”

 

Stuart turned fully onto his side, unsurprised when the gentle strokes stopped and Raj took the initiative of removing his boxer shorts. “Guess not.”

 

“Relax.” Raj smiled, kissing the corner of his mouth and then the tip of his nose – finally once more on the lips before guiding him to move in closer against him so that they could push belly to belly. “I like you here.”

 

Stuart closed his eyes, letting Raj take over. He was good at taking the lead, knowing exactly what to say to make him feel less awkward than he really was. “I like it here,” he replied.

 

Raj pushed his hips hard against Stuart’s, his hard cock easily finding its mate and butting up against it playfully. “Don’t think.”

 

“I’m not.” Stuart sighed, slipping a hand between them to rub his hardness much more purposefully against Raj’s – nudging back the foreskin before taking both in hand and rubbing gently. Raj’s soft moan against his mouth was all the encouragement he needed to tighten his grip, stroking them both slow and easy.

 

“Oh god…” Raj moaned again, somewhat louder than before as he looped an arm over Stuart’s waist, caressing his back. “You’re… very… very…” His voice took on a soft whine as Stuart’s gentle rubbing drove him fast and hard, wetness spreading between them with each rocking stroke.

 

“Mmmph… good, yeah?” Stuart groaned, forcing his eyes even more tightly closed as the urge to make it go even faster kicked in. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the act itself… more the fact that he liked the bit at the end best. Raj made a soft mewling noise that sounded relatively affirmative.

 

Thighs shaking the slightest bit, Raj nudged his hips forward rhythmically – making the gentle strokes all the more enjoyable with the easy slide of slick skin against skin. “Yes… yes…” He whimpered, suddenly pushing his full body against Stuart’s and driving him onto his back. “Stop… stop… I want to try something.”

 

“Raj… no, I…” Stuart groaned, pulling his slippery hand away all the same. “Don’t…”

 

“I know what I’m doing.” Raj pushed up on his knees, moving astride Stuart’s narrow hips before leaning in for a reassuring kiss. “Trust me.”

 

“I do… it’s just…”

 

“Trust.” Raj sighed, giving him a look that he knew he’d never really be able to refuse.

 

Still reluctant to let it happen, Stuart nodded slowly. “All right… but…”

 

“Just trust.”

 

“Right, right…”

 

Raj’s smile slowly returned as he positioned himself, pushing his cock down against Stuart’s small belly as he sat up – his lover’s member nudging eagerly at the crack of his ass. “I know you’re scared. I won’t do it until you tell me you want to,” he whispered, reaching back to draw the tip of Stuart’s cock over the soft flesh – eventually tucking it between them and letting most of his weight settle against Stuart’s body.

 

“Thanks…” Stuart groaned, realizing the gentle rocking thrust of Raj’s hips was grinding them together quite readily. “Mmm…”

 

Raj moaned again, his voice deep and ragged as he pushed closer to the edge. “When you’re ready…” He panted, rocking his hips as evenly as he could manage. “I want you to do it.” He groaned, “I don’t care when, just do it.”

 

“Raj…” Stuart whined, lifting his knees to squeeze him tightly as both hands grasped his shoulders. “I… I…”

 

“Please…” he whispered. “You don’t know how much I think about it.” He gave another heady groan, pressing his lips against Stuart’s shoulder as his short thrusts became more demanding and erratic – grinding their cocks together between them.

 

“I can’t,” Stuart responded quietly, biting down into his lower lip as he tried not to go off too quickly.

 

“Shh…” Raj murmured, letting out a whimpering moan as he came – the warm wetness spreading between them even as he lifted his hips just enough to guide Stuart’s cock backward once more, rubbing it against the soft cleft.

 

“Fuck… Raj…” He groaned, lifting his hips against the sensation – driving himself up against the curve until he was pushing up inside. The familiar, and honestly somewhat forgotten, sensation of being enveloped by warm heat that was so different from a mouth – but not yet penetrating overtook him.

 

“Please,” Raj whispered again, guiding the slick tip against his opening, realizing before he could force himself down Stuart was coming hard – his thighs clenching tight over Raj’s hips as the tip barely nudged him open.

 

Stuart groaned loudly, letting it slide into a panting moan as he came – swearing under his breath. “Oh fuck, shit, damn it… Raj… I…”

 

“It’s okay.” Raj grinned, letting out a relieved giggle as he once more lowered himself against Stuart’s chest. “You didn’t actually… you know…”

 

“It didn’t go in?”

 

“No.”

 

“Fuck.” Stuart sighed, a nervous laugh creeping up on him.

 

“Still level one?” Raj smirked, kissing the corner of his mouth.

 

For a moment, he’d complete forgotten the joke – and then it dawned on him, an unexpectedly hard laugh drawing him out of the difficult moment. “Uh… no… no, I think we’re well onto level two… this is just the whole anal sex mini-challenge.”

 

***

 

Raj nearly overslept and had to run out the door much faster than he would have liked to in the morning. Hurried, he pressed a gentle kiss to Stuart’s forehead as he slept and left his spare key on the nightstand. It almost felt normal.

 

“So… you never called last night.” Howard smiled, nudging a small tomato through a drizzle of dressing as they sat around the lunchroom table. “I take it you got lucky?”

 

Raj smiled around a bite of overcooked noodles. “You wish you knew.”

 

“Good for you.” Leonard stared down into his plate, still clearly a bit unnerved about the whole situation. “I’m glad that you guys are working out okay…”

 

“Who’d have thought that you’d end up with a steady _boyfriend_?” Howard teased with a soft chuckle.

 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Raj answered defensively, “We’re just… complicated.”

 

“I hate to break it to you, Rajesh, but how long has it been since you updated your Facebook relationship status?” Sheldon played mediator, intrigued by the defensive response. “Don’t answer; it’s been twenty-eight days.”

 

“Oooh, almost a month.” Leonard said quietly, “You guys have been going out for a while now…”

 

“Five months.” Howard added.

 

“It’s not really going out, I mean… we just hang out and read comics and watch movies and stuff.”

 

“And sleep together,” Sheldon piped up, “I’ve been led to understand that frequent sexual intercourse is a strong indicator to the validity a romantic relationship.”

 

“What are you talking about ‘frequent intercourse’?” Raj blushed, looking at his tray. “Nobody said anything about intercourse.”

 

“Oh come on! You’re hardly ever home anymore, you’ve been at the comic shop until closing almost every night for months. Just because you two don’t go out in public together doesn’t mean you aren’t dating – it just means you’re kind of sad…” Howard chuckled under his breath.

 

“We’re not sad! Between the two of us we have enough social anxiety to make this whole building feel awkward.” Raj sighed, “And I mean it, he’s not my boyfriend. We’re just… staying in a lot.”

 

“So, staying in, though?” Leonard looked up with a hopeful smile. “That’s kind of like dating.”

 

Raj thought about it a long moment, dragging his fork through congealed mozzarella. “I don’t know, I guess. He did stay at my apartment last night.”

 

“Wait, wait… he stayed at your apartment? That’s kind of a big deal.” Howard’s previous humor took a bit of dramatic turn. “Was it like overnight or just while you were… you know…?”

 

“I gave him my spare key.”

 

Sheldon’s fork clattered loudly against his plate; “Well that’s just…”

 

“Great!” Leonard interrupted before it could get ugly, smiling half-heartedly. “I mean, that’s really really great…”

 

“Are you sure that you’re ready for that kind of commitment? I mean…” Howard started, only to have Leonard cut him off with a dirty look. “I’m really happy for you.”

 

“It’s just a key so he could lock the door when he left my apartment.” Raj shrugged, “It’s not that big of a deal, I’ll get it back tonight.”

 

“Oh no.” Howard shook his head, “No, no, no… you can’t ask for a key back.” He leaned in close, dropping his voice as though imparting the painfully obvious. “It’s…. it’s just a step backwards. It’s like saying he can’t be trusted to keep it.”

 

“What are you talking about, I told you already – it’s no big deal.” Raj sighed, “It’s just a key to my apartment. Not a big deal.”

 

Thursday came and went quietly; the tournaments usually ran late and they hadn’t gone as a group since Sheldon was barred from playing and they started going to the Cheesecake Factory instead.

 

Raj wasn’t surprised to get a text message Friday morning. _Chinese food, then pick up later?_ It was a simple enough thought, Stuart had gotten pretty well used to his routine (Raj had found it written down on a scrap of paper in the till… it was actually sort of cute that Stuart wanted to know what he did) and they’d made room around it easily enough. Sometimes it meant bowing out on vintage game night… this week was Howard’s choice – probably Leisure Suit Larry again anyway.

 

***

 

Friday nights at Comic Center always got quiet around seven or so when Captain Sweatpants and Larry took off for pottery class at the community center. It was actually kind of a blessing; outside of that whole losing money portion of the evening it was a chance to get caught up on ordering and sketch out ideas for some sort of event to dredge up some end of week business for next week. He’d made a short list of ideas by eight.

 

 _New Who watch party (Incl. Jack. Ep 1x09-_

 _  
~~Underwear party (WW in a thong? Captain Sweatpants in briefs. NONONO)~~   
_

_  
~~LOTR Marathon (nine hours… lock in? WTF self.)~~   
_

 

At eight-thirty, Raj came to the rescue with a carton of cold take-away Chinese and a warm hug despite the teenagers milling around by the back issues.

 

“Hey, just going through the order.” Stuart flashed a smile, absently tapping his pen on the long forgotten clip board. He always managed to get it together on time, sometimes using randomly plugged in numbers - but it made it in. He just really didn’t like spending money that hadn’t even come in yet.

 

But Raj was there and bearing food and things were looking good again. “Do you want your chicken with cashews or almonds?” He grinned, holding out the paper bag swathed in plastic.

 

It was great, better than great; it was quite possibly the best thing he’d had to deal with in years. It was also absolutely and completely terrifying. “Um… surprise me?” He grinned.

 

Raj lifted an eyebrow and leaned across the counter, planting a soft closed mouth kiss on his lips. “Surprised?”

 

He smiled at first, the warm and unexpected sensation of Raj’s familiar lips – the gentle gesture itself, and then was immediately overtaken by the gnawing of anxiety. “Uh, yeah…” He sighed, a blush coloring his cheeks as he backed up against a rack of plush. “Um… cashew,” he finished.

 

“Come on…” Raj smiled, looking to the trio of teenagers still loitering before turning his attention back to Stuart. “I can’t kiss my boyfriend?” he asked quietly as he opened up the carton and its rice companion, stabbing into it with a fork.

 

“No… I’m just… you know, I’m working,” he replied, slow to approach the counter again. “I wasn’t expecting it.” He glanced at the small group who seemed to be making a point of ignoring them. Boyfriend… the word was almost as unexpected as the kiss. Not that it really meant anything beyond simple words, of course.

 

“It’s not too cold?” Raj skewered a large chunk of chicken and a piece of bok choy. “You should eat now. I’ll go get the sweeper and start cleaning up.”

 

“No!” Stuart jumped slightly, holding out his hands as Raj started towards the back room where he’d temporarily set up a living space. “No, it’s good tonight. I can do it tomorrow.” He flashed a rather fake-feeling smile and took the fork, emphasizing a large bite. “See, eating.”

 

“All right.” Raj grinned, returning to the counter to fish out the other carton of chicken and vegetable goodness. “I’m just trying to help you out.”

 

“You are helping.” Stuart smiled, “You help a lot.”

 

“It’s what boyfriends do, right?” Raj lifted an eyebrow, as though genuinely asking a question.

 

Stuart blushed again, looking to the gathered customers who smiled and made it rather clear that the Comic Center would soon be dubbed ‘the gay comic store’ amongst the youth crowd of Pasadena. “Sure, I guess.” He shrugged, taking another bite. It was a little colder than he liked, but one really couldn’t be picky with not only free eats, but free eats from someone that actually cared that he was eating.

 

Not entirely unexpectedly, the customers left five minutes before closing with a few back issues and a 1-up plush. Raj leaned heavily against the counter while Stuart went to lock the door. “So… tonight, we can do it right here.” He grinned wide.

 

“In your dreams.” Stuart chuckled, flipping over the sign to indicate that yes, the lights were off and the door was locked because they were closed. “I, uh… I was thinking we could go to your place again.” Because they were boyfriends now, apparently and that’s what they do.

 

Raj paused mid-bite for a moment as though deciding if that was a good thing or not. With a slow smile, he replied, “Yeah? You like it at my apartment?”

 

Stuart shrugged and returned to quickly eating the remaining bits of vegetation and sauce. “I like you. And I like being with you.”

 

“You can be with me at your apartment, which is much closer and has Superman sheets on the bed.”

 

Stuart shook his head, stumbling for purchase. He knew he should tell Raj, particularly if it looked like the relationship was moving into somewhat serious territory, but he just couldn’t kill the somewhat playful (if not horribly awkward) mood with the facts of the matter. “You have a shower just big enough for both of us.”

 

Raj’s eyes opened wide and he shoved his fork in the half-eaten almond chicken, and then looked at the door expectantly. “What are we waiting for?”

 

***

 

Raj woke at his typical time on Saturday morning, his body slowly coming to life just after six o’clock. Much less normal, but quite welcome, was the warm press of Stuart’s body under his arms, his back and ass pressed in close to Raj’s front. He smelled of lavender and vanilla body wash from their shared shower the night before; his soft curls were even still the slightest bit damp as they clung to the cotton pillowcase wedged under his head. Reflexively, he wrapped his arm tighter across Stuart’s chest.

 

It was weird; he’d really expected Stuart to be upset or at least do something to give him some sort of indication of whether or not he was on track with the whole ‘boyfriend’ situation. Were they really boyfriends? It was an okay thought, but kind of a bit of a big deal. He’d never had a boyfriend before… really; he’d had very few _girl_ friends to speak of. It changed everything. Confused, but loving the gentle moment, he let himself lay still until he felt Stuart stirring and pressing back into his arms as the sun peeked under the bottom of his blinds.

 

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Raj whispered, placing a small kiss against the lobe of Stuart’s ear.

 

Stuart let out a soft groan, tugging at the blanket draped over them before digging back into Raj.

 

“Mmm, it’s not that early,” Raj replied, gently rubbing his palm flat against Stuart’s belly, catching the trail of wiry hairs. “I can go make some coffee.”

 

Stuart shook his head against the pillow, letting out another groan of protest. “Mmm, stay,” he muttered.

 

“Okay.” Raj tightened his embrace again, letting himself press kisses to Stuart’s bare shoulder.

 

Slowly, Stuart began to come to life, eventually letting out a rumbling murmur of approval as Raj’s rubbing fingers teased his navel. “Mmm, ticklish…” He squirmed, drawing an obvious press of arousal.

 

Raj let out a groan and managed to remain calm. Stuart wasn’t exactly into morning sex. He was much more into morning coffee and staring bleary-eyed at his laptop followed by more coffee and maybe an episode of _Thundercats_ before attempting to do things for work. “I love…” He paused, wondering if he was actually planning on finishing that sentence with a single word that wasn’t ‘cake’ or ‘this’ – and then tossed out something much more neutral than saying he loved Stuart far too early in the day let alone the relationship. “I love doing this with you. Just being here, in bed… snuggling.” He grinned, “I wish we could stay like this forever.”

 

Stuart rolled onto his back, smiling. It was a good sign, hopefully. “That’s really romantic.” He replied with eyes still half-lidded with sleep. “Cheesy and adorable, but romantic.” He chuckled a bit louder than usual, and then yawned as he stretched his whole body.

 

“I mean it, though.” Raj once more planted his palm on Stuart’s stomach, rubbing gentle circles. “I think I could really get used to having a boyfriend here… I mean, just you – not just any boyfriend.” He shook his head, muttering a curse at himself before managing to add, “What I mean is that I’m glad that you’re my boyfriend and you’re here and things are going really nice and good.” Smooth.

 

Stuart was quiet for what seemed like ages, staring blankly at the ceiling before he muttered, “Fuck, I need coffee before I think about heavy stuff.”

 

“It’s not that heavy.” Raj shrugged. “I mean, last night…”

 

“No… not that.” Stuart sighed, closing his eyes before he continued. “If we’re going to take this into serious territory, I should really tell you about things that you don’t know about.”

 

It was a curious turn of events, but Raj tried not to let himself freak out at the thought of not knowing something he probably should know. “You can tell me. I mean, it’s not some sort of illness or anything, is it?”

 

“No, god no.” Stuart chuckled, opening his eyes slowly and with a deep breath. “I’ve, uh… I didn’t renew the lease on my apartment.”

 

 

Confused, Raj blinked several times and tried to sort it out in his head. “So you’re not living there anymore?”

 

Stuart shook his head slightly, letting out a low sigh. “No. I’ve, uh… I moved my things into the backroom at the store.” He stared up at the ceiling, a shamed blush creeping up around his pale shoulders. “It’s not a big deal, it happens sometimes. It’s just until sales get a bit of a boost and the electric bill goes down in the fall.”

 

Well, that certainly explained things. “That’s why you’ve been staying over,” Raj replied quietly, trying not to feel hurt that it had nothing to do with actually wanting to try something new.

 

With a nervous tilt to his voice, Stuart responded, “No, I mean… at first I was just…” He groaned loudly. “The first time – yeah, sort of. But not anymore.” He closed his eyes tight again, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I like being here with you.” He sighed. “I haven’t actually slept next to another human being in forever… I forgot how nice it was.”

 

Raj processed the information carefully; it was actually kind of sweet. “Do you like being here, I mean… really?”

 

Stuart nodded slowly. “I feel kind of stupid for waiting as long as I did.”

 

“You’re not good in strange places, I understand.”

 

“It’s not that strange with you here.” He smiled, once more opening his eyes as he turned his head to look right at him. “I didn’t even have to take anything last night.”

 

Raj’s mouth quirked into a grin as he saw Stuart begin to relax. As cute as he could be when nervous, he was even better relaxed. “I’m glad.”

 

“Yeah.” Stuart licked his lower lip, “Me too.”

 

Not bothered by the still somewhat toothpasty morning breath, Raj kissed his… well, for lack of a better term, boyfriend. Without even considering it first, he broke this kiss and murmured; “You could stay here.”

 

“What?” Stuart raised an eyebrow, the nervous tone creeping back in. “I… uh, I think I missed that.”

 

Raj paused, realizing fully what he’d just suggested. It did kind of make sense that he should stay there, and he couldn’t live in the backroom for who knows how long. And it was nice having him around. “I was just thinking that maybe you could stay here if you wanted to.” He shrugged, “You know, just until you’re in your own place again… or… maybe, you know…”

 

“Don’t, Raj… don’t, okay.” Stuart sighed, “You know I don’t want to think that far ahead.”

 

“Okay, but what about until you have a place to stay? A real place.” He raised both eyebrows, flashing his ‘I am absolutely serious’ face. “No pressure, you can come and go as you please.”

 

Stuart seemed to be considering it, his eyes darting between Raj and his own fingers as though there would be some suggestion of a response. Still quite hesitant, he asked, “What’s the rent like on something like that?”

 

Raj couldn’t help but laugh, quickly kissing Stuart to stop his own giggles. “Mmm… you can pay me in kisses.”

 

“I’m serious!” Stuart smiled against Raj’s lips – accepting another gentle peck.

 

“So am I.”

 

***


	2. Act 2

 

By Monday afternoon, Stuart had made his decision – despite figuring he was definitely not at all ready to be living with Raj, the move would happen. A warm bed, shower, not to mention frequent proximity to good companionship and sex – it was too good to refuse. Raj had bowed out of Thai food with the guys to load what few boxes Stuart had that were needed into the trunk of his car.

 

It was getting late when they made it back to the apartment and managed to bring up the boxes and several bags from the grocery store. “I’m starving!” Raj called from the kitchen as he put away the new items. “Its Thai night, but I don’t really have anything like that. I could probably go back out…”

 

“No, no.” Stuart sighed, stretching out on Raj’s increasingly familiar sofa. “Just something quick and easy… I’m exhausted and I know you’ve got work in the morning.”

 

“It just feels weird…” Raj smiled at him across the room, “Not bad though.”

 

Stuart felt his lips quirk into a slight smile, but didn’t respond as he listened to Raj banging around in the cupboards. He wasn’t ready to deal with being a couple. The last time he’d actually gotten to the point of living with another human being he was sleeping with it, had pretty much crashed and burned within the first week. It wasn’t his fault, at least it didn’t seem like it was his fault – they just got to know all the most annoying things about each other. Things like _she’s cheating_ or _she still lives with her parents_ or _she has an allergy that makes it impossible for him to keep Nutella in the pantry._

 

“We can unpack in the morning if you’re tired.”

 

Stuart let out a groan and opened his eyes, forcing himself to sit up. “It’s alright – I can’t stand having my stuff boxed up. Just relaxing for a bit. I’ll work on it while you find something like food.”

 

Raj didn’t respond, instead went about preparing something as Stuart slowly moved about the suddenly quite strange apartment – finding places for his things.

 

***

 

As usual, Raj woke first on Sunday morning, his arms and legs curled around Stuart’s as he drew him in closer. It was later than his typical waking hour, nearly seven, but they didn’t have to worry about either of them running off to do anything. It was just a delightful lazy Sunday. The Comic Center would be closed, and Raj had taken great care not to make plans in light of the moving in.

 

They’d been up late getting things arranged and finding a place for everything right down to Stuart’s laptop being set up and ready to go right beside Raj’s. It was good, it felt right even. Probably even more right than the first night Stuart had held him and let him cry when everything was so confusing. Not that it wasn’t still confusing; there was the lingering question of whatever they had going on. And Bernadette. But he didn’t want to think about her, let alone talk about her, because if Bernadette was on the radar as a problem then Howard was also a potential problem; there was just too much to even think about in that mess. No, he had his apartment and his boyfriend, and his boyfriend staying in his apartment. It was good. Simple.

 

The quiet ringing of his phone brought him out of his thoughts, Stuart stirring even before he pulled away and picked it up. “Hello?”

 

“Rajesh? Did I wake you?” An all too familiar voice came over the line. Priya… she only called when she needed a favor.

 

“No, it’s fine. What do you need?” Raj replied abruptly, trying to keep his voice low enough that Stuart wouldn’t fully wake.

 

“What? I can’t call my brother to see how things are going in California?”

 

Raj sighed loudly; “You can – but you don’t. What is it you want so I can go back to not talking to you?”

 

“You don’t have to take that tone with me, Rajesh. You should be respectful; I’m your sister…”

 

“Right, right… I know. Just… I’m busy right now.”

 

“What, did I interrupt you masturbating again?”

 

“No,” he responded quietly, shifting in bed as he felt Stuart roll to face him, placing his palm over Raj’s bare chest. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.”

 

She paused for a long moment and then finally came out with it. “I’m going to be in Pasadena for a few weeks coming up…”

 

She didn’t have to finish her thought; he knew full well where she was going with it. “No. No. Please, I’ll pay for a hotel…”

 

“You know I don’t like hotels, they’re not clean and I don’t know anybody.”

 

“You can’t… I mean… you just can’t.”

 

“What, you’ve got a girlfriend who spends the night now?” She laughed sharply, cutting in before he could even fumble through an answer; “I’m staying there, Rajesh – don’t make me tell our parents that you’ve been rude and disrespectful…”

 

“Yeah, well… well, don’t make me tell them that you slept with Leonard.”

 

She paused, cleared her throat to ensure that he knew she meant business as she had since they were children, and kindly let him know the facts of the matter. “I’ll text you the details of when my flight will arrive.”

 

Raj stared at the phone as she hung up, not even registering Stuart’s fingers flared across his chest, drawing gentle lines on his skin.

 

“Everything okay?” Stuart asked meekly.

 

He sighed and closed his eyes, lying back against the pillows. “We’ve got a problem. A very loud, bossy problem.”

 

***

 

Raj explained everything, and really – Stuart understood. His family could be pretty overbearing when they cared to be, which was thankfully not frequent. They spent an hour more in bed, casually holding each other and placating their disappointment with kisses and gentle caressing. He hated to admit it, but in a way it was kind of a relief to be stepping away from the situation. Sure, moving in with Raj could be the best thing that ever happened to him, but it could also be the death knell of the budding relationship.

 

It wasn’t until they were packing back up that he realized quite how good of a thing it might be to be apart for a little while. Raj had been out picking up lunch while Stuart boxed up the very last of his belongings in the same box they had been in the day before, and then he lay out in bed – almost considering it their bed – when he realized his spare key wouldn’t be needed anymore. Without letting himself think about it, he took it off the ring and opened the bedside table, dropping it into the drawer on top of several pages of Raj’s thick print he hadn’t seen there before.

 

 _I shouldn’t look, it’s private._ He reminded himself of the concept of privacy even as he took out the pages and scanned over them – stunned and quite frankly unsure of how to feel let alone react. Each page was meticulously clean, dated at the top and signed – six poems and two letters all written over the course of about eight months. Each one dripping with Raj’s own unique blend of almost creepy adoration and fumbling attempts to sound romantic.

 

Written to Bernadette. Howard’s girlfriend, Bernadette. Bernadette who was most definitely not the person Raj had casually called his boyfriend in very recent memory. The most recent, a poem, had even been written just the week before; the day before Raj had first brought him back to the very bed he was stretched out upon. It was all just… wrong. Everything had been right, but the sour taste in the back of his mouth told him it had all gone horribly and terribly wrong.

 

They were unrequited, to be sure, but to what end? Why would he be writing poetry and love letters to a girl that was in a pretty heavy relationship with his best friend? And why would he do something like that when _he_ was in a relationship that at least appeared to be getting more serious?

 

Guilty and confused, Stuart replaced the offending documents and made sure the key was clearly on top of them as though they had not even been seen. Things weren’t going so good at all.

 

***

 

Priya had settled in and made herself at home – his home – even taking Leonard back to defile Raj’s own bed. It had only been a week and already he was sick of being trapped between his sister and Sheldon. Since being forced out, Stuart had withdrawn from him almost completely. Even when they were together at the store, he was always busy doing the sort of things he usually seemed happy to stop doing when Raj was there. He had barely been responding to text messages, email, and not even updated his Facebook status.

 

It was pretty much completely unexpected when Stuart responded to his text message invitation to go out to dinner. Granted, he hadn’t mentioned anything about it being doubles with Howard and Bernadette, but given how strained things had been since Priya showed up it was best to keep things simple.

 

The appetizers had already arrived by the time Stuart was escorted to the table, looking adorable but frazzled with a dinner jacket over jeans and a t-shirt.

 

“Hey, you made it!” Raj grinned wide, standing up to embrace him warmly.

 

“I did.” Stuart nodded into Raj’s shoulder, slowly letting his arms relax and then squeeze tight. It had been a long week, and he’d had far too much time to think about what was going on. “I, uh… didn’t know you were going to be here.” He pulled away, turning his attention to Howard and Bernadette as he took his seat. “Nice to see you again, Bernadette.” His smile seemed forced, but not unkind, “And Howard.”

 

“Nice to see you too, I missed new comic book day last week, thanks for sending my usual with Raj…”

 

“It’s not exactly like high school homework or something.” Stuart chuckled nervously, adding, “He paid for them, I put them in a bag… not that complicated…”

 

“So, Stuart!” Bernadette took control of the conversation, “How much do you hate Priya?”

 

“He doesn’t hate my sister!” Raj cut in. “He hasn’t even had a chance to meet her yet, she’s been shacked up with Leonard all week.”

 

“Oh god, don’t even get me started on that mess.” Bernadette grinned wide, taking a long drink of her margarita, “Howard mentioned the bitch kicked you out of Raj’s apartment.”

 

“Don’t call my sister a bitch!” Raj defended. While it was sort of true, she was still his sister.

 

“Well, she kind of is…” Howard muttered.

 

“She didn’t kick me out.” Stuart responded quietly, fumbling with his napkin as a tall brunette waitress brought him the drink Raj had ordered him. “I can’t drink this… can I just have a Coke with no rum?”

 

“It’s okay, we drew straws – I’m driving tonight.” Howard sloshed the bottom half of his water before the waitress collected the glass to bring back a fresh one. “Probably a good idea to get a little social lubrication in you, right?”

 

Raj took the drink and nodded at the woman, sipping the cocktail straw before leaning slightly against Stuart. “It’s okay; you can have whatever you want. I’m just glad that you’re here.” He smiled, taking a long drink. “I’ve missed you.”

 

“Me too.” Stuart nodded, looking down at his hands. “I… I can’t drink on my medication.”

 

“Ohh…” Bernadette inhaled slightly. “I didn’t know – what’re you on? Because they say you can’t drink on Depakote without blacking out and I have totally proven that wrong.”

 

Raj stepped in, feeling Stuart tense under his touch. “He’s got social anxiety issues and sometimes takes a half a Xanax. Get off his back.”

 

“She’s not on my back.” Stuart raised his voice slightly, “But, yeah… it’s not a big deal.”

 

“Anyway, Stuart’s drinking Coke.” Howard shoved his foot back in the conversation, shifting the topic. “So, my lovely bride to be…”

 

“Oh! You don’t know yet!” Bernadette held out her hand, angling it down to show off the engagement ring. “Howard asked me to marry him.”

 

Raj smiled and sat back, letting his hand linger on Stuart’s thigh as he waited for a reaction. He’d gotten over it, mostly. It wasn’t fair… really, Howard didn’t deserve such a beautiful and intelligent woman – but she’d seen the same things in him that at one point had made him more than the best friend Raj had always wanted. He had to let go of his dream; he’d never be with her… or any girl like her. And, if he played his cards right, maybe not any girl at all. He squeezed Stuart’s thigh as he smiled, that weak smile that usually seemed to mean he didn’t know what to say. “Isn’t it great?”

 

“Yeah.” Stuart nodded, forcing his smile wider as he looked closer at the ring. “That’s, uh, congratulations, both of you.”

 

“I know, what’s a girl like me doing engaged to a mook like him, right?” She giggled slightly, leaning on Howard’s shoulder for an improvised hug. “I just… I can’t believe that we're going to get married!"

 

"That's really, really great." Stuart's face looked strained, as though he was forcing out the words.

 

"We haven't set a date or anything like that yet." Howard pitched in again, "but I guess it's pretty serious now."

 

"It's just great that you are happy with what you have together." Raj grinned wide, actually really happy for them - crushed a little that Bernadette ended up with Howard, who could honestly never really appreciate her, but happy. "I just hope that nobody is settling."

 

"Don't be jealous." Stuart tapped the side of Raj's shoe with his own. "Nobody's settling - they're in love."

 

"Love is about settling." Raj shrugged, sipping his drink. "I mean, Howard always thought he'd marry Catwoman - any normal human woman is settling."

 

"Yeah, but the chances of getting Catwoman..." Howard replied defensively.

 

"I doubt he's in love with Catwoman..." Bernadette tried to get back into the conversation, but didn't really seem to know what she was getting into.

 

"I guess you're right." Stuart answered, his voice taking a cold turn as he looked straight on at his sort-of boyfriend. "You can't get what you actually want, so you end up settling for what you think you can have."

 

"Well..." Raj stumbled, feeling the sudden hurt in Stuart's voice and realizing he must have misspoken somewhere along the line. "It's not that simple!"

 

"No, I get it. It is that simple. You just keep replacing the person you actually want to be with in a string of 'the next best thing' candidates until one of them is lonely enough to give in. That's life, isn't it?"

 

"Don't... don't listen to him, Stuart - he's been drinking." Howard jumped in to defend Raj, but was clearly too late for Stuart's frustration.

 

"You don't have to say anything, Howard. Believe me - I'm well aware of my place in the world. I'm used to being the second... or third... or fourth best. Sometimes even further down the line than that." Stuart let out a humorless laugh. "I'm sorry, I... I can't do this anymore. I shouldn't have come tonight." He stood up from the table, not entirely surprised when Raj grabbed him by the sleeve.

 

Panic was rising in Raj’s throat, and even a few drinks to the wind he knew that sensation. The same sensation that closed his throat, that made him duck into an empty nook any time a pretty girl walked by, the same panic that was partially responsible for even ending up in the Comic Center the night they sort of... connected. "Don't," he croaked, tugging hard. "Don't go, I was stupid."

 

"No, I understand everything now, Raj. It makes sense. I hope you're happy with your decisions." Stuart leaned in close and gently kissed Raj's cheek, and then whispered, "I won't be your next best thing, Rajesh. I saw the letters. I know what you really want."

 

And then, humiliated, Raj let him go. He watched in silence as Stuart walked out of the restaurant without a flounce, without even a second glace back.

 

"What was that about?" Bernadette wrinkled her nose, and then cleared the last of her drink. "Are you guys fighting?"

 

Raj looked at Howard, who answered for him. "I think Raj just got dumped."

 

***

 

The day dragged on as slowly as the whole last week had, further agitated by the previous evening even more than the dull ache in Stuart’s lower back from sleeping on the inflatable mattress in the back. It hadn't been fair of him to confront Raj like that, and he knew it - but fuck fair. It wasn't fair of Raj to be writing love letters and poetry to someone who wasn't just going out with his best friend, but marrying him too. He tried to convince himself that he was in the right, but with each punch of the calculator buttons as he tried to pull together an order that wasn't making any sort of mathematical sense unless you started employing imaginary numbers that made physics look like a play date, he knew they were both wrong. He had no right to be snooping – but what’s the ethical response when you end up finding something detrimental? Better to know, right?

 

Once, when the after lunch crowd had slipped out with their merchandise once more leaving him with Lonely Larry and the quiet whirr of his aging laptop, he picked up the phone and considered calling. Maybe he could apologize and say he was being a jerk and had no right to get upset - that they could fix things.

 

And then he remembered the letters again, how easy it had seemed for Raj to declare his undying love for her - it had been months and the closest they'd gotten was basic terms of endearment.

 

He had really half expected Raj to call him, or turn up - maybe even looking disheveled and like he'd been crying his heart out all day, but that was the bitterness talking. When he finally did come, and it was expected that he would, Stuart had already locked up the store and was sitting behind the counter reading a new issue. The gentle rapping on the door could really only be one person at ten o'clock. He didn't answer.

 

 _I know you're in there, open the door. Please_.

 

He didn’t have to look over the counter to know that Raj was standing against the door, looking into the dark shop to see only the book light giving him away - both of them about as pathetic as they'd been months ago when everything changed.

 

Reluctant, Stuart got up. "I don't really want to be talking to you right now." Stuart let him in anyway, clearly bluffing but damned if he was going to admit to it.

 

"What happened last night?" Raj asked simply enough, standing just inside the doorway as it jingled closed.

 

Stuart didn’t answer right away because he knew it would mean showing his hand and admitting he had snooped - but if there was ever a time to admit to being a bit of a bastard it might as well be when Raj had been an even bigger one. "That morning, when I moved out." He looked down at his hands, the shame he'd been hiding behind self righteousness simmering back up. "I went to put my key in the drawer and I found the letters and poems."

 

"Oh." Raj's head dropped lower, his shoulders slumping forward. He knew now, but still Stuart felt compelled to continue.

 

"I read them, and I don't know how to feel about them." He laughed, but there was no humor in it - only frustration and depression and just a little bit of guilt. "You love her, and not me."

 

"It's not like that!" Raj retorted, somewhat unexpectedly. "It's... I have a crush, okay? It happens. Nothing has ever happened or will ever happen. She's in love with Howard and going to marry Howard."

 

Stuart laughed again, feeling like he must be going crazy for not even caring about Bernadette anymore "This isn't about Bernadette," Stuart sighed, "I thought we had something, you know? Things were going pretty good.... I thought, I mean... I guess I was wrong."

 

"No! They're going great, it's been amazing! I... I don't even know what to say, Stuart."

 

"I can't be your second choice, Raj. Am I even the second choice? I mean... I know Howard... and maybe there's someone else - maybe a whole bunch of them that you're just waiting to be willing to date you."

 

"Well... I..." Raj stammered, shoving his hands in the pockets of his khaki trousers. After an uncomfortably pause he said, "I thought we were just... you know, until we had girlfriends."

 

Well, it was certainly the first that Stuart had heard of it. The rage boiling up quick, he shouted, "This whole time it's been just a... a temporary arrangement to you?"

 

"Lost souls..." Raj answered, almost whimpering; "Lonely people that were looking for love and... found each other." He shrugged.

 

"Found. Yes, found." Stuart was more upset than he could ever remember being about anything, even that time he got robbed for a hundred bucks and a bust of Spiderman. "As in a couple, you know - together."

 

"We are!"

 

"No, we're not." Stuart forced a smile. "If we even were before, we're sure not now."

 

"I don't know what we were, okay? I just... I had a crush, I have crushes. It happens."

 

"You fell in love with someone that handily enough wasn’t the person you called your boyfriend."

 

"I called you my boyfriend after the last letter. I didn't know, Stuart - I didn't even know then what we were, okay?"

 

"No, it's _not_ okay. Maybe you could have said something at _any_ point before then?" He breezed past Raj, back to the door again. "You should leave, Raj."

 

"I don't want to. I want things to be like they were."

 

"They can't be," Stuart answered, the casual lilt he'd had before completely gone and replaced by the soft mewling of a wounded boy. "Ever."

 

"They can, I promise. I'll get rid of all the letters, and the poetry, and the playlist on my iPod." Raj turned to him, his expression truly seeming desperate to fix things.

 

Stuart shook his head. "I don't want to be your boyfriend if all you're doing is waiting for a girl to come along."

 

"I can't help being straight, Stuart... it's just there."

 

His laughter came out of nowhere; he hadn't meant to sound cruel but clearly came across that way. Just the thought of Raj being straight... it was pretty much the exact opposite of everything he'd seen in and out of bed with him. "Funny, you, uh, you didn't really seem very straight when you were begging me to fuck you."

 

And the following silence was that of a battlefield after the bombings. Raj's face was neutral as the thought sunk in; realization? Then he lowered his head again, frowning. "I want you," he whispered. "I don't care what that makes me."

 

"I don't date straight guys." Stuart sighed, "In fact, after this - I don't think I'll date any guys at all. I thought women played head games but at least they seem to know what they want out of it. I don't even know what you're gaining in this."

 

"I don't want to lose you, Stuart. I was stupid, okay?"

 

"Get out of my store, Raj."

 

"Please, just... let's talk about it, okay?"

 

"Don't make me call the police."

 

Raj stood still for another drawn out moment, and then shook his head and walked close enough for Stuart to feel his breath against his ear. "I do, you know," Raj said softly, "Love you."

 

"Please. Go."

 

Unexpectedly, Raj listened, and before Stuart could even see the familiar lights of his sedan drive away, he’d locked the door and turned his back. It was the right thing to do; he couldn't drag out something that would only hurt more in the end. It was better to be done quickly, than realizing in a year or two that all along he was just a bed warmer.

 

Not again.

 

***

 

By the time Raj made it back to his apartment it was after ten and Priya was there alone, sitting on the sofa watching his Gray's Anatomy DVDs. "Oooh, someone was out late - hot date?" she asked without even looking up from the television.

 

"No." Raj shook his head, clearly for his benefit and not hers. He supposed that ultimately he had it coming, but it wasn't fair. He didn't know that Stuart was taking it so seriously. Well, at least he hadn't known until Stuart agreed to move in. From there it all just kind of went downhill too fast to keep up with his own life. "I'm taking a cooking class at the community center." He was telling the truth. Of course the class was over at seven and then he'd spent an hour at the bar nursing two beers, followed by another hour circling the block where the Comic Center was until he knew Stuart had locked up and everyone would be gone. "I also went to the comic book store."

 

"Ahh, such a little boy." She giggled, pushing up on the sofa cushions to look back at him as he stood near the nook. "I thought they closed early on Mondays?"

 

"They do," he answered; no sense in lying about that. He was a grown man; he could be out doing nothing if he wanted to. She didn't protest his lack of details and turned back to the show. "How was your night in with Leonard?" He really didn't want to know, but he knew if he didn't ask she'd only tell him anyway. There was a small hope that if he showed interest she might be really weirded out and not say anything at all.

 

"It was nice." He could hear the smile in her voice, it was sickening. "We had pizza and watched part of Indiana Jones."

 

He didn't have to ask which one. The case was still sitting on the coffee table as though they'd forgotten all about it - which they probably had. "And you are planning to tell our parents that he defiled you after?"

 

"Rajesh!" She swore at him under her breath. "Don't be silly. You know they wouldn't approve." She chuckled quite unexpectedly and added, "Besides, I could tell them about them who stayed over the night before I flew in."

 

"What?" He laughed, but realized full well how forced it sounded. He was sure they'd cleared everything out, she must be testing him. "There was no girl; there hasn't been a girl in a long time."

 

"Oh, I think there was," she replied, once more peeking over the back of the sofa before gesturing for him to come closer. "You have lavender body wash in your shower."

 

"I like lavender." He sat down at the opposite end after hanging up his jacket, taking off his shoes slowly. "It's very relaxing after a long day."

 

"Mmmm, you keep playing your game, Rajesh. A sister knows."

 

"I suppose a sister also knows that dating her brother's friends is wrong and that's why you won't tell our parents that you're hooking up."

 

"Hooking up." She wrinkled her nose at the thought, "Come on, Raj. It's nothing... we're just having fun."

 

"Which is why he thinks you're in a relationship."

 

"He's not stupid, Rajesh. He doesn't think it's a relationship." She lifted up a mostly empty bottle of wine and poured the last of it into her glass. "We never explicitly said it was a serious relationship."

 

Wow, there was that déjà vu - the second time tonight it'd become painfully clear that he had no idea how relationships worked. "Relationships are complicated."

 

She nodded into her wine, laughing again. "Tell me about it."

 

"They expect you to know when things are serious without even saying something about it." He leaned back against the arm of the sofa. "I mean, maybe you should tell him that it isn't serious."

 

At first she didn’t answer, and then she shrugged and managed, "Maybe it will be. I don't know, I like him, but Mummy and Daddy would never approve."

 

"It could be worse." And boy, could it - they'd probably never speak to him if they knew what he'd been doing and who he'd been doing it with. At least Stuart was a little bit older and a business owner, even if the business was always kind of on the brink of being bankrupt.

 

“They just don’t understand what relationships are like in America. They think its still India last century and that they can arrange some marriage with a doctor’s son and I’ll come back and be a dutiful housewife.” She shook her head, finishing the glass with a long gulp. “You’re lucky; their expectations are so low they’ll just be happy to see you with someone.”

 

He hated her sometimes, but she was still his sister. “They wouldn’t be happy, trust me.” He shook his head. “If I was still in the relationship I wanted to be in they wouldn’t be.”

 

“Aww.” She looked at him as though he were a pathetic puppy, which he sort of felt like he was. “It’s all right, baby brother… if she doesn’t want to be with you then she isn’t worth hurting over, right?”

 

“That’s the problem.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes and wishing he’d asked for the glass of wine instead. “We want to be together, I think… but I was stupid.”

 

“Men are stupid.” She laughed. “You should keep trying until she forgives you.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Absolutely.” She smiled, patting his leg – for a moment it actually felt like she really was his sister and not some angry spirit sent to torment him for not having children before he turned thirty. “Mummy and Daddy are stupid, and you’re stupid if you let them tell you what’s right.”

 

***

 

It was after eleven when Stuart left the store; no matter how many times he tried to pick up where he’d left off with Frank Castle it just made him feel even emptier. So, he left – walked to the apartment where Raj’s light was still on and he wondered if maybe he should go up and they could really talk about it. Of course, there was no point in talking – in trying to make sense of things. They’d only end up back together and miserable and maybe happy for a while but ultimately only miserable again.

 

He kept walking until he found himself in front of the Cheesecake Factory – Penny and Bernadette were in the process of closing and he couldn’t help but wonder if subconsciously he wanted to confront Bernadette and tell her everything in hopes of maybe making the dull ache in his stomach go away.

 

Instead, it was Penny that he met outside after her shift, and she was sweaty and frazzled but still amazing. “Hey.” He smiled, realizing he must look pretty horrible himself.

 

“Oh! Uh, Stuart… hey.” Her smile seemed strained, exhausted. “What’re you doing here?”

 

He chuckled, wondering if he really was losing his mind after all. “I… I don’t know,” he answered honestly, following her to her car. “Guess I just needed to see a friendly face.”

 

“Well, I hate to tell you this – but once that sign is flipped my happy face is done.” She smiled no less, that hint of pity she always seemed to show him all the more obvious. He could work with pity. It was usually the best shot he had with women. And apparently men. “I can do tired and maybe surly…”

 

“I like surly.” He smiled, stopping at the passenger door. “Do you, uh… you want to get a drink somewhere?”

 

She looked down at her uniform, and then back at him with an expression that pretty much summed up the ‘I’m greasy, my feet are swelling, and I smell like french fries’ world that was food service. “I’ve got a bottle of cheap vodka and some orange juice at my apartment?”

 

He couldn’t believe she was actually saying yes, so he nodded quickly and got in the car before she could take it back.

 

An hour later they were halfway through the bottle, out of juice and more or less just as drunk as he really wanted to be. Right at that blissful point between not caring about his problems and not particularly afraid of getting even more heaped on top of them. The point where he said stupid things, like when he looked Penny in the eyes and said, “You know, you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever been this drunk with.”

 

“You’re a lightweight.” She smiled even more broadly than before, slugging a shot of the horrible vodka with a wince. “But a nice one.”

 

“I’ve had two screwdrivers and a shot in an hour.” He grinned, actually quite proud to be as with it as he managed to be. “Thanks to you.”

 

“Thanks to me!” she echoed, pouring him another shot. “Now. Before you drink that, you need to tell me why you’re drinking like someone who wants to pickle his liver.”

 

“Same reason you are.” He laughed, pouting when she slapped his hand away from the _Hello Kitty_ shot glass. “My life is hell.”

 

She pouted. “You’ve got a great life! And a great store, and I’m sure Raj is a great boyfriend.”

 

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

 

“Or, you know… whatever you guys are calling it I’m sure he’s really, really great.”

 

Clearly, she was a bit more drunk than she was letting on because he had to repeat himself. “We’re not, not anymore.”

 

She looked confused, and then it dawned on her. “No… no… I thought it was going well…”

 

“It was.” He picked up the shot, just a little surprised that she let him, and drank it down quickly. “It really fucking was.” He forced back the sob in his throat, but it was obvious even to a somewhat drunk Penny. “I think he may have been my last shot, you know?” He laughed again, that crazy feeling picking at the back of his brain. “Last chance before I die alone and pitiful.”

 

Penny’s eyes narrowed in a way that could only mean she was thinking too hard or really not sure of what she wanted to say. She took a slug straight from the bottle, setting it on the table before pushing in much closer than before, her knee resting against his. “Don’t say that. You’re a really nice guy and I’m sure that there’s someone out there who’s just waiting for a guy like you.” She sighed. “And you never know. Maybe, you know, maybe it’ll be okay with Raj and everything will work out.”

 

He laughed nervously. All he could think about was her leg against his and the fact that her nipples were visibly hard against the fabric of her tight pink t-shirt as the liquor kicked in. It was horrible; he knew it was horrible, but she was so close and he was so lonely. They were both probably a little too drunk to be so close and so lonely together. “I’m not really… not a nice guy.”

 

“You are so nice!” she cooed, leaning in even closer until she was hugging him and pushing his face against that horribly tight cotton stretched across her lack of a bra. “Even if he doesn’t come begging, I’ll bet there are a thousand other people who would kill for a nice guy like you.”

 

“Yeah… a thousand.” He laughed. “All of whom are pretty certain they don’t want anything to do with me, only someone like me.”

 

“Shhh.” She put her hand on his mouth, and then leaned way over to retrieve the bottle. “You need another shot.”

 

“Penny… I… I really shouldn’t.” He laughed, resting his head on her chest a little too easily. “I get stupid when I drink.”

 

“That’s the point, isn’t it?” She smiled, taking another quick nip herself. “We get stupid, don’t have to think about it… maybe… something happens?”

 

It took a moment to dawn on him, a really long moment that involved the complex math of figuring a beautiful girl with no bra on was sitting in his lap. “You mean… we…”

 

“Shhh…” She actually removed her fingers this time, letting them slide up the back of his head and gently tug his hair at the scalp. “I mean it’s probably a good idea to stop talking.”

 

Stuart took the bottle from her and took a long drink, closing his eyes while it burned down his throat, swearing he could feel it in his belly as acutely as her tongue on his ear. He wanted to stop; he wasn’t that guy… not the guy that got girls drunk just to sleep with him, which probably explained his abysmal sexual history. “Penny…” he groaned, only to have her fingers tighten against his scalp, twisting slightly.

 

“Shut up,” she ordered, letting go – only to pull away and take off her shirt. Well, one doesn’t just turn down a really good offer after ending a relationship. At least not one who might be a few years in between relationships. “You think you can?”

 

“Mmm?” He didn’t understand the question at first, until she pushed down on the front of his jeans – obviously feeling the slowly increasing arousal. “Oh god… uh, yeah?”

 

She smiled again and nodded, kissing him. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, more the sort of sloppy drunken mess that came with the territory, but it seemed to be working for her. With a grin, she thumbed open the button of his jeans, tugging open the fly. “You still like me, Stuart,” she giggled, kissing him again. “I think you like me a lot.”

 

He let out a strangled groan when she grasped his cock through his strained Dalek boxers. “Penny…” He swallowed hard, feeling his mind begin to care considerably less when her fingers peeled back the waistband and found the flesh, stroking him slowly until even her least coordinated strokes were enough to bring him closer to the edge. “Penny, stop…” he muttered against her mouth, tasting vodka clinging to her lips – or was that his own?

 

“No… it’s okay…” She squeezed hard, drawing out another groan. “You need this… God, I need it.”

 

And that’s all he really needed to hear, that she wasn’t just doing him some sort of sick favor. Something inside him pushed, bringing up what little dominant alpha male he had lurking in the depths… just enough to push her down onto her back on the small sofa. “It’s been a while.” He felt himself grinning, surely looking just as stupid as he felt when he tried to yank her pink pajama pants down.

 

“Let me…” She groaned, lifting her hips and managing to wriggle them down one leg and onto the floor with a pair of blue bikini cuts hanging at her hips.

 

Before she could take them off, he was on them – burying his face in the thin cotton that is so very different than the heavy cotton briefs and boxers Raj was fond of. _No, not Raj. Mustn’t think about Raj_ , he reminded himself, nosing hard into the little fabric panel, inhaling her sex. No… that was definitely a woman smell… musky, wet… his, for the moment. “Mmmm….” he murmured, kissing the warmest spot until it was dark with his spit and perhaps her own arousal.

 

A little more coordinated than before, he managed to push her panties down to her knees before Penny tugged them off the rest of the way – his tongue already tracing teasing lines over the insides of her thighs.

 

“Please?” She whined, raking her fingers through the top of his hair – making him actually kind of glad he’d let it grow out a little, even as she pulled him down closer to her sex. “Please.”

 

He didn’t know why he was hesitating, it wasn’t like it was completely new to him – god knows every woman he’d had the luck to actually sleep with had seemed to enjoy it. It was just different – there was just something about a penis that was brutally honest – you know when you’re doing it right with a guy. Of course, with Penny it was pretty damn clear that she was okay with telling someone they were doing it the wrong way. With a hard swallow, he let himself go and gently nuzzled up to her mound, his tongue searching and tasting the warm wetness as he reacquainted himself.

 

Penny murmured softly, her grip slackening and then tightening up again – guiding him as he teased her opening and nosed at her swollen clit. “Oh god… god…” She whined, barely a whisper growing to an unexpectedly loud thrum of squealing moans and rough tugs at his scalp.

 

For what seems like ages – his brain was foggy from vodka and sex and while he was vaguely aware of time passing there was no reason to it – she clutched him tight between her thighs, and then before he could rethink what he was doing (as though he honestly would) she tugged at his shoulders with both hands. “Penny…” he gasped, and then wiped his damp face against her inner thigh with a groan. “Are… are…”

 

He wanted to ask if she was sure, but before he could ask her hands were pushing at his open jeans, letting them pool at his knees before wrapping her fingers around his cock. “You’re sure…” He panted, pulling himself on top of her, kissing and groping like, well, like a drunken horny mess.

 

“Slow, slow…” she murmured, her fingers once more clenched to a fist in his hair, pulling his hungry mouth off her breast. “Good, Stuart…”

 

He closed his eyes, hearing his name in her slurred voice. It had been a long time, a really long time since he tried to make it work under the influence of more than a Xanax. “Mmm, so soft…”

 

“Shh… shh…” She let out a low, rumbling groan and pushed at his shoulder again. “Condom…” She managed to flail for the end table, realizing as the empty bottle thumped against the floor that they were still on the sofa. “Fuck…”

 

“Fuck, fuck…” Stuart echoed, kissing her throat as his hands found the delicious curves of her hips. “Mmm, yes… I want to… so… so long…”

 

“Stuart… honey…”

 

“Its okay, Raj… I’m ready…”

 

Her fingers closed tightly on his shoulder, nails suddenly talons digging into the skin. “Stuart,” she said loudly.

 

“Mmmm?” He looked up from between her breasts with a sleepy grin, only to have her push him to the floor gracelessly.

 

“Get out.” she replied coldly, struggling to find her pajama pants and what little dignity she could pull out of the moment. “Just don’t speak, go.”

 

“What?” Stuart stammered, rolling onto his embarrassingly bare ass on the floor. “What’d I do?”

 

She inhaled sharply, closing her eyes as he pulled up his boxers – jeans still stretched between his knees. “Nothing, just… we’re drunk and this is stupid.”

 

“It’s not stupid… it’s… it’s brilliant…”

 

“Stuart.” She managed to look down at him, frowning. It was all he needed to scramble back into his jeans, find his keys to the store and leave without bothering to say goodbye.

 

***


	3. Act 3

 

It was supposed to be a simple boring dinner, playing third wheel to Leonard and Priya because she said he had to eat with them at least once, and it wasn’t like he really had anything better going on.

 

He knew as soon as Penny set out a fourth glass of water something was up.

 

“Leonard… are we expecting another guest?” he asked casually, taking a sip of the beer he was brought before he could even order it.

 

“Uh… well…” Leonard shifted from one foot to another, not yet sitting down. “Yes, yes we are.”

 

Priya looked up from her seat, gesturing for Raj to sit down beside her. “Rajesh…” She paused, licking her lips as he joined her. “I know that there was someone staying with you before I came.”

 

He cracked a nervous smile and cast a sideways glance at Leonard who only shrugged and pushed up his glasses. There was no way she could actually know. “What are you talking about?”

 

“I found a flannel shirt in your apartment.”

 

“I like flannel.” Raj shifted in his seat, looking for Penny or Bernadette or anyone with a pulse that might swoop in and save him, because Leonard sure as hell wasn’t.

 

She narrowed her eyes, pursed her lips and gave him a look that said as much as her words. “You’re lying, Rajesh. You hate flannel.”

 

“Oooh, he likes it… on the floor…” Leonard shifted again, still standing at the edge of the table as though he were about to play referee to a boxing match.

 

“Shut up, Leonard!” Raj muttered under his breath.

 

“It is a size too small and was on the floor, under your bed,” she added.

 

“What were you doing looking under my bed?”

 

Priya shrugged. “Looking for your porn.”

 

“It’s not as creepy as it sounds, it’s a sibling thing,” Leonard added before Raj could even comment.

 

He didn’t care that she was looking for porn; it was all on his computer anyway. “There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation…”

 

“And there he is.” Leonard swallowed audibly, waving Stuart in when he entered the Cheesecake Factory. “Stuart, I want you to meet Raj’s sister… Priya, this is Stuart, Stuart – Priya.”

 

“Hi.” Stuart nodded, and Raj’s head hit the table with a gentle thump.

 

“I see you’re wearing flannel. I have one of your shirts that was at my brother’s apartment.”

 

“Ah… we… uh… we’ve been watching Dr. Who…” Stuart stumbled, Raj peeking up to see him looking ready to make a hasty retreat.

 

“She’s figured it out, Stuart. You may as well sit down.” Raj sighed loudly, forcing himself to sit back up despite the embarrassment.

 

“Please.” Priya flashed an over-eager smile, watching him sit nervously across from Raj, Leonard beside him. “So… how long have you been seeing my brother?”

 

“It’s complicated,” Raj answered quickly, “we don’t want to talk about it.”

 

“Hush, Rajesh, I’m talking to my new friend.”

 

“Yeah, Raj… I want to hear this…” Leonard grinned even wider.

 

Stuart shifted again, looking down at his hands. “It, uh… it was just over five months.” He paused, his hands finding a napkin to shred. “We split up.”

 

“We could work it out.”

 

“No, Raj. We can’t.”

 

“Why not?” Leonard asked, “I mean, anything is possible… you came.”

 

“I shouldn’t have.” Stuart shook his head. “I don’t even want to be here.”

 

Priya interjected, “Rajesh, tell him you’re gay for him.”

 

“I’m not gay!” Raj protested loudly, drawing more than his fair share of stares from the other patrons. Quietly, he added, “Did Leonard tell you I was gay?”

 

“I figured it out by myself.” She shook her head. “I don’t care if you are, but clearly there’s more going on here than you wanted me to know about, so that has to mean something.”

 

“Believe me, he’s not.” Stuart sighed again. “That’s part of the problem.”

 

“Wait, I’m confused…” Priya said. “You’ve been together for five months and you’re still saying you’re straight?” She looked to her brother. “For a genius, you’re stupid.”

 

“I said it was complicated!” Raj whipped his head around, looking for someone that could possibly bring something with more booze in it. Sadly, all he could see was the late dinner crowd watching them. “I… I was lonely.” Raj sighed, “We were both lonely and things happened and then the next thing I know we were dating.”

 

“You said you wanted to!” Stuart looked at him accusingly. “There was a _complicit_ agreement that we were a couple.”

 

“We never said it was serious!”

 

“You never said you were just biding your time until something better came along,” Stuart hissed. “I’ve been in relationships like that before, Raj – I can’t do it anymore. I don’t have it in me to be your second choice.”

 

“Boys… boys…” Priya held up her hands, attempting to be the voice of reason, but Stuart wasn’t being fair and Raj didn’t understand at all.

 

Raj ignored his sister’s pleas. “You’re not being fair. Neither one of us could make a solid commitment.”

 

“Yeah, but the reason I can’t commit is because I have a phobia of being cheated on and dumped,” Stuart responded. “I suppose now I can add to that phobia public humiliation and drawn out conversations that I don’t want to take part in.”

 

“Oh come on, if a girl asked you out you’d be all over her!” Raj shot back at him. Hah. That would put him in his place.

 

Stuart looked him in the eyes, something he always seemed to have a hard time doing, and said, “If a girl asked me out while we were still together I would have told her that I appreciate the thought and maybe would say yes if I wasn’t already in a relationship that I didn’t want to screw up.”

 

Okay. So, maybe he was wrong. It still wasn’t fair. “You really felt that way?”

 

“Feel that way, Raj. I moved in with you.” He sighed loudly. “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to even leave my comfort zone temporarily?”

 

“I… I…” No, it wasn’t one bit fair. “I love you,” Raj admitted quietly, looking away as soon as he said it.

 

“Damn it,” Stuart muttered with a loud sigh, and then stood up forcefully. “I can’t do this drama.”

 

Raj let him leave; there wasn’t really anything he could do. Apparently Stuart had made up his mind.

 

Priya was the first to respond, reaching to take his hands only to have him reel away again. “He’ll come around, Rajesh…”

 

“Yeah, just… give him some space and let him work it out.” Leonard added.

 

“I don’t want space right now.” Raj sighed into his water glass, sipping until the cold cubes tickled his upper lip. “I want things the way they were. I want to stop messing everything up.”

 

“Just give it time, Raj. You know how it goes… maybe in a few weeks things’ll settle down a bit.” Leonard patted his shoulder gently, looking up as Penny set down a round of beers. “You’ll be okay.”

 

***

 

Half festival, half Middle Earth LARP – “Hobbit Fest” was the name most tossed around to identify the group of ten to twenty men (and an occasional woman) dressed as Shirefolk that gathered every three months or so to hold one pretty awesome in-character party. Nobody really knew who’d started it, but Leonard had been playing Meriadoc Brandybuck for at least four years running and when he personally asked Stuart to take his spot for the weekend it was an honor and a privilege to break out his old costume. Not to mention it was nice to get out of the store and away from the headache.

 

It had been almost three weeks since everything had more or less fallen apart with Raj and he still didn’t know what to do with himself. Raj’d even stopped coming in on Wednesdays in favor of sending Leonard, who always complained about Raj’s taste in heroes and how stupid it was that they were avoiding each other. He was glad, though. It was easier not to have to see him until everything blew over.

 

Wearing his breeches and jerkin, barefoot and letting his hair curl as he wanted it to instead of a wig, Stuart started out across the park they’d converted into a makeshift tent Hobbiton, and realized that waiting until things blew over was going to be harder than he’d originally thought. Raj was on the other side of the main gathering area, setting up the stage for their guest to make their “birthday speech” and kick off the revelry – and allow the opening of several casks of home brew. His brown back and chest were exposed to the mid-afternoon summer sun as he worked in only his breeches with several others to lower the usual platform on top of several strong pallets.

 

“You should go talk to him.” Leonard’s voice came from behind him and Stuart turned to see his friend dressed in civvies. “I’ve got to get to my appointment, but… he’s your Pip this weekend.”

 

“Pip…” Stuart sighed. “You didn’t tell me that part!”

 

“Oh… must have slipped my mind.” Leonard shrugged.

 

Smug bastard. There was no way he’d forgotten to mention that he’d be not only playing against Raj as Pippin, but sharing a small home-made tent. It was tradition, they were practically… well, it was open to interpretation.

 

He didn’t talk to Raj until well after the party had gotten under way and the brew was flowing freely. Cosplay Halflings, quite a turn out this quarter – at least twenty if not more, danced to the string and jug band formed for the occasion. He’d found himself smiling and just a little bit drunk when he fell into a dizzying arm to arm swing – tossed from someone he didn’t recognize and right into his Pippin’s arms.

 

“Ahh, a fine cousin on my arm.” Raj grinned, unclear if he was completely in character or not as his fingers caught on the linen fabric of Merry’s shirt, turning him around face to face. “I believe I’ll keep this one.”

 

“Hold tight, Pip – we’re in for another spin!” Stuart grinned, letting the character take him as he wound Raj around in a circle, four – five – six times until they both fell to the ground in a giggling heap, struggling to get out of the way of a dozen feet stomping in drunken revelry.

 

“Mmmm, cousin…” Raj muttered in his soft, happy voice – a tone that Stuart had missed so dearly as Rajesh pressed up tight against his side, pressing a kiss against his collar. “Fancy meeting you in this role, though.” His accent slipped as he painfully attempted a slightly tipsy English accent.

 

“Leonard tricked me.” Stuart tried not to smile, ultimately failing. “He didn’t tell me you’d be playing my cousband.”

 

Raj giggled and hugged him, his curly brown wig brushing against Stuart’s face. “I asked him not to.”

 

Stuart sat up halfway and looked around, realizing they’d scooted around the side of the bandstand and were well enough away from the gathering to go unnoticed. Perhaps the pair of pints he’d already drunk had gone to his head, but being together and laughing and smiling again made everything seem all right. “I missed you.” He smiled, adding, “My cousin.”

 

Raj nodded, clearly knowing full well that being in character had meant nothing. Stuart, Merry – they were one and the same. “Do you want to go back to the tent?” He asked; “So we don’t have to talk over the music?”

 

He didn’t have to answer; Raj was already helping him up to his feet. They walked halfway across the portion of the large park the group commandeered for the weekend, leaning against each other as they stumbled barefoot in the dark.

 

When they finally collapsed in their tent, bedrolls already laid out with blankets, Stuart nuzzled up against him again, drawn to the gentle scratch of his costume and slightly sweaty scent. “I’ve missed you,” he repeated, letting his face rest in the crook of Raj’s neck, nose brushing the shoulder of his shirt.

 

“Not as much as I’ve missed you.” Raj sighed loudly, wrapping his arms around Stuart’s waist and pulling tight until they were belly to belly on their sides. “I’m sorry for everything… I should have told you… I’m an idiot…”

 

“Don’t.” Stuart shook his head, kissing Raj’s chin, and then his sweet lips. Fuck, he’d missed that warm, gentle kiss. Even tinged with honey beer it was unmistakably Raj. “Don’t …”

 

“I love you,” he whispered, sounding just as sincere as he had in the restaurant.

 

“Shh…” Stuart shushed him, pressing small kisses to his mouth over and over as his hands easily managed open the laces of Pippin’s soft breeches, working his hands inside until he felt firm, warm flesh. “I want you.”

 

Raj pushed back against him, grinding himself against Stuart’s thigh as his breeches were unceremoniously pushed off. “Yes… yes…” he murmured, his words cut off with more tiny kisses.

 

Stuart didn’t need any more permission or push; the moment was with him. Fighting the fabric, he wriggled out of his costume – naked skin exposed to the warm evening air. He pushed Raj back against his bedroll, and then scrambled atop him – lowering his body fully on top of his lover until they were perfectly skin to skin, panting and pushing against each other like a couple of drunken teenagers.

 

Gasping, Raj rocked his hips up against Stuart’s until he felt the unexpected press of Stuart’s hardness against the crack of his ass. “Oh god…” He moaned low in his throat, “Please, please…”

 

Stuart shook his head and kissed him hard, and then covered Raj’s wet mouth with his palm – quieting him before delivering a series of hard thrusts against the warm skin. “Not here.” He groaned, closing his eyes. Slow and steady, he rubbed his cock against the soft skin – barely parting him open.

 

Raj groaned hard against Stuart’s palm, inhaling deep through his nose when Stuart lowered himself ever closer and trapped Raj’s hard length between them – nudging it maddeningly against his belly.

 

“Monday.” Stuart groaned, thrusting harder and faster now fully inside the hot cleft. “I’m gonna fuck you.” His voice took on a predatory note that even he hadn’t expected. “Fuck you until you never want to look at anyone else the way you were looking at me tonight.”

 

Seeming to agree, Raj’s tongue licked his palm, and he shuddered hard. When Stuart withdrew his hand, he moaned low and loud, his come spreading across the slight fold of Stuart’s belly as he kept rocking his body on top of him.

 

“I love you,” Stuart muttered, his voice shaking as he felt his sac tighten – pushing him even faster. “I can’t wait to… to… to have you…” He whined and pulled back, stroking the tip of his cock against Raj’s dwindling member until he came – shuddering and exhausted.

 

For a long moment, they were silent – Stuart letting himself lie atop Raj’s sturdy frame until he had it in him to roll off. What the fuck was that about? It had been crazy, completely without warning. It wasn’t like he’d gone into it thinking they’d hook up and everything would be just fine. “I’m… I’m sorry,” he muttered.

 

“If you say we’re still broken up I’ll cry like I did at the end of _Beaches_ ,” Raj warned. “Just so you know.”

 

“I did something.” Stuart had no idea at first where he was even going with it. Were they back together? He supposed the real question was if Raj would even want to be together once he knew about a certain drunken indiscretion. “I have to tell you before we can even think about fixing this train wreck.”

 

“If you can forgive me for writing love letters to Bernadette I think I can get over anything you did.” Raj sighed and managed to sit up, digging a package of wet wipes out of his rucksack and splitting it between them.

 

Stuart cleaned himself up, quietly wiping away the remnants as he tried to piece together exactly what he wanted to say. Giving up on anything but the stupid truth, he said, “I got really drunk with Penny right after we split up.” He blushed more deeply than he thought possible given what they’d just been up to, “We were sort of having sex until she asked me to leave. I think I may have called her by your name.”

 

Raj didn’t answer for a long moment, and then he let out a strangled snicker that turned into a laugh. “We’re pathetic.”

 

Stuart couldn’t help but agree; chuckling himself he responded, “We really, really are.”

 

“We should totally hook up.” Raj grinned, rolling onto his side.

 

“I don’t know…” Stuart faked hesitation, “I just broke up with a guy a few weeks ago because our whole relationship was based on being pathetic together.”

 

“Lost souls need each other.” Raj let his hand rest on Stuart’s bare stomach, tracing his belly button. “Besides, he was an idiot that didn’t know how to deal with being your boyfriend.”

 

“You think so?”

 

Raj nodded sagely. “In his defense, he’s pretty straight.”

 

“And you?”

 

He grinned wide, pressing a kiss to Stuart’s nose. “I wish you didn’t want to wait until Monday.”

 

Stuart chuckled, smiling. Incorrigible. “A real relationship this time?”

 

“I think so.”

 

“Mmm, Pip…”

 

“Merry.” Raj smiled slightly, and then kissed Stuart again. “I do love you.”

 

***

 

“So, uh… word around the Shire is that Merry and Pippin hooked up last night after the party.” Leonard grinned at his roommate over a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

 

“And this matters to me how?” Sheldon paused the Star Trek episode they were watching as they ate.

 

“I gave up my spot as Merry for this round to Stuart.”

 

“Ahh.” Sheldon gave a single nod, taking a bite of granola. “It’s nice to know that he still has the spirit to try after his disastrous drunken debacle with Penny.”

 

“Hey! I don’t want to think about that. Even with catchy alliteration.” Leonard frowned, “They were both drinking, and she kicked him out!”

 

“Your concern is misplaced, Leonard. Her virtue is just as lacking as it ever was.”

 

“Oh.” He paused and then shook his head, “Anyway… Raj is still playing Pippin… so…”

 

“You’re working under the assumption that your pitiful meddling has rekindled their flawed union.” Sheldon shook his head, “Your rather short sighted leanings towards ‘shipping’ Merry and Pippin has deluded you into thinking that cosplay would really bring them back together. Everyone knows that their only relationship is by blood.”

 

“It isn’t incest when they’re hobbits! Everyone is practically their own cousin in the Shire.”

 

“Had you bothered to check Koothrappali’s Facebook page this morning instead of oversleeping and following this insipid line of conversation you’d already know that they’re both listed as ‘In a Relationship’, and in this single instance you’ve actually managed to stumble your way into doing the right thing.”

 

“Aww.” Leonard smiled. “I knew you shipped them too.”

 

***

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fictional parody in no way intended to infringe upon the rights of any individual or corporate entity. Any and all characters or celebrity personae belong to their rightful owners. Absolutely no money has or will be gained from this work. Please do not publicly link, repost or redistribute without letting me know first.


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